


Watching, Remembering, Regretting

by OfTheFullMoon



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Regret
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-21
Updated: 2013-06-21
Packaged: 2017-12-15 15:33:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/851162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OfTheFullMoon/pseuds/OfTheFullMoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After destroying his friendship with Lily Evans, Severus Snape secretly watches his onetime friend, wishing that things had gone differently.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Watching, Remembering, Regretting

She didn't see him. She didn't know that he was watching her. But then, of course, she never did. Sixteen-year-old Severus Snape leaned against a bookshelf in the Hogwarts library. Across the aisle, a few rows down, his former best friend Lily Evans skimmed the book titles in front of her. Sev absently pushed his dark hair out of his face as he watched her. Her face was pulled in a look of concentration; her slender hand flitted across the books' spines. Lily smiled in satisfaction as she found the book she was searching for and tugged it, with a small puff of dust, from between the other large volumes. Sev tightened his grip on the book he was pretending to read. It took all of his self control not to rush over to her and beg her forgiveness once again. He had never meant to hurt her! Why did she have to be so stubborn? Why couldn't she understand? Why couldn't things be the way they once were?

Lily Evans stared down at the pages in front of her without reading them. He was watching her again. She could feel his eyes boring into her that very second. For some reason, Sev had taken to watching her. Lily could tell that he thought she never knew he was there, but she did. Every time, she could sense his dark eyes following her. Every time, she pretended she couldn't see him. And every time, she ignored the desperate look on his face. Her hand trembled slightly as she turned the book's page. She felt some small measure of regret for having turned him away the previous year. If only Sev would change his ways, then there could be a chance for reconciliation. But no, he still immersed himself in the Dark Arts, looking down on Muggle-borns and anyone whose blood was less than pure. Lily inwardly steeled herself against her sorrow. Sev had chosen his way, and she had chosen hers.

She straightened up, placed the book back on the shelf, and grabbed her bag from the table behind her. Pretending to rummage through her bag in search of something, she walked out of the library, taking no notice of the pale-skinned boy leaning against the shelves.

Sev shut the book with a snap once Lily had left the room, drawing several irritated glares from people nearby. Sev ignored them, thrusting the book back into place, causing it to wail briefly in protest of its rough treatment. As Sev gathered up his belongings, he struggled to push down the feelings that rose inside him – the same ones that appeared each time he saw Lily. Grief, resentment, anger, pain, regret, love, and a fierce, fierce longing threatened to smother him. He pulled his bag over his shoulder and exited the library. Head down, he walked through the halls without thinking through where he was going. All he could see was the kindhearted, red-haired girl whom he loved with all his heart. All he could remember was the day he had caused her so much pain. And he knew, that although his heart would nearly break from the pain he felt, he would keep coming back, again and again, to watch, remember, and regret.


End file.
